when i look up from this keyboard, i see a cozy room touched with a few old things, a few new things, and a few familiar things.
when i turn off my radio i hear the hum of my laptop warming my legs as it heats up from overuse, that just means turning on and haphazardly functioning.
when i stop to think about where i am today i feel a flurry of happiness, longing, uneasiness, and unwillingness. happiness comes easily these days. daydreaming is plentiful and finding people to laugh with comes often. longing, because until i find that someone to start the goat farm with me, there will always be a little part of my dream that is on standby. uneasiness and unwillingness come hand in hand, in my case the latter more powerful. the seemingly "big questions" of life, the ones with answers that hold the details of my future, make me uneasy and induce a sense of stubbornness in me. i worry because that's the way i was raised, and i'm stubborn because that's the way i was born. i'm worried that i'm stubborn and i'm stubborn because i don't want to worry. that makes some sense, right?
i just wanted to write tonight, and this confusing jumble of words is what came out. i really am happy and life is treating me quite well! my inspiration to write again came from reading old posts and seeing how i've changed so much and not changed at all.
