hot cocoa and a fire

It seems like just a few weeks ago it was blazing hot in the afternoon sun… wait, it really was. And it seems like just last week the aspens were turning and fall was on its way… yep that happened too. And yet last night it was 29 degrees outside. That week of autumn was great… Winter has barged right in, hit me in my numb face and froze my feet off. The mountains are snow capped, the boulders are like big blocks of ice and the crisp cold air is filled with burning fireplaces. I can see my breath in my room but out here in the…uh… foyer (no longer can I bask in the warmth of the summer porch) the cold is cut by the warm fire our little fern made for us. It’s crackling, hissing and glowing… and feels so so good. But I’m still in my down jacket, long johns and wool socks.

Heh! Wasn’t it just a few days ago we were waiting for the “perfect conditions” to go climbing? It was too hot… boo hoo. Well, let me tell you… the weather is freaking cold now! Who the hell climbs when they can’t even feel their fingers? What kind of crazy mongrels would put their digits through such pain and agony? Besides yours truly, it seems as though everyone and their mothers come to the east side. My days of running from the sun, seeking the shaded routes and being the only one at the buttermilks are gone... For now. They will leave, we’ll get our rocks back… and pick up their cigarette butts, beer cans and dog shit, and wipe off their god damn tick marks! Okay… I’m done with being a snob.

It’s official. Bishop will be my home for another year. It’s comforting yet still very scary to wrap my mind around the concept of actually living here. I’ve become accustomed to considering this job and this lifestyle as a type of extended summer vacation. Not quite reality or a real life, really. It’s just been a whirlwind of happenings that I was able to get lost in. I’m not referring to “lost” as in no direction, but “lost” as in bouncing around with not much of a worry. Pretty soon I’ll have to consider this experience as a real job, get my shit together and focus… because I’ll need to so that I can stay in tip top toxicology shape! That is the price I have to pay so I can say NO to 9 to 5, 5 days a week in a lab dousing little brine shrimp with polluted affluent water. I delved deep and thought hard… I came to the conclusion that I still need to fuck up a few more times and make some more mistakes. I need to explore my options because right now is the time to be wrong and know it’s okay. Right now is prime learning time. And what better way to pursue that than to work with lovely people, an open and willing office, knowledgeable bosses/coworkers who offer a vast range of opportunity, and endless rocks just outside the door?

I was told that whatever decision I make: stay in bishop, move on etc… will be a good one. There is really no bad options… they are just vastly different. And that is so true. What is one year?... that’s no time at all. That is just a quarter of what college was. And how fast did college fly by? Damn fast. Heck… 6 months since I took this job and moved out here has almost passed. One year is one year… I can’t spend too much energy focusing on that far into the future. What’s important is now because right now is happening.

my 2 cents...

one of my biggest fears is settling into something, then getting bored and wanting more. having stability yet still being stimulated is difficult to maintain and being satisfied versus wanting more is a delicate balance that is hard to achieve. i think that it is good to want nothing and to be happy with what one already has. however, wanting more is a key feeling that propels action... action to make things happen. wanting is the cause of change and change is often an aspect of life that one learns the most from.

one philosophy that i have yet to master or even really put into practice, but truly believe in, is to live for today and live it full.