it is very challenging to separate and distinguish what to care about, what to let go, what to change and what to keep. it's easy and almost comforting to believe that things "happen for a reason" and instead of being proactive we can just let things happen to us. on a shallow level i do believe it, fate does in fact have a way of teaching us and making us change. however, things happen for a reason because we make them happen. simply, i am living the life that i am because i chose it and i can very well pick a different path to follow. with this mind set shouldn't it be easy to choose something as simple as happiness? shouldn't it be easy to get over petty problems and free yourself from negative thoughts? if so... then why do i dwell on the past, something that can not be changed, or dwell on the present, something that should just be accepted?
lately, i've been picking the wrong battles. i have created internal battles that are not helpful and more toxic than anything. it is time to change that and i am trying to figure out how. i love living here but it could be as complicated as leaving this place, leaving my comfort zone once again and seeking a way to do something worthy. or as simple as settling here... probably not.
