where am i?

finally, an update! well first off, i no longer live in bishop and i no longer work. so i can scratch that off the subtitle in my blog title.

i also no longer have a place i call home. however, i have been able to call various places my home in the past few months. first, the dirt parking lot of moe's valley in st. george utah... then on the side of the road near weird creepy oil rig pumpy things at joe's valley... and finally creek pasture campground in indian creek. creek pasture was home for a while, enough time to move into and out of three different campsites. Also enough time to get psyched on the creek and finally bored of the creek, "over it" so to speak. well, at least for this season. my body couldn't take it anymore and alas motivation was very low, so where did i end up as soon as i packed up my sandy life? colorado of course. just a few miles to the east and i'm spending quality time with my sunshine monkey (sunny sawyer).

no, unfortunately i did not get to do any climbing. rain and snow were quite bountiful. but i did get my fill of life in the big bad extreeemeee! city of boulder, co. and after about 24 hours i was again "over it." i'll have to give boulder a second chance (come july) but this particular trip was focused on checking out the climbing scene, going shopping at whole foods (i wandered the place for at least two hours) and talking about life in my car with sunny as (ironically) snow and clouds covered us. finally, after my fill of urbanism i left to gleefully and swiftly enter the midwest. culture shock? yes. uncomfortable staring at my asian-ness and caifornia plates? yes. quality time spent with kenyon? yes.

a whole month came and went and so did kenyon, to south africa that is. i considered going but quickly remembered that i initially left bishop to savor solitude and explore THIS country. at times i regret this decision but it is one that i made and can not change. i found a goat farm in new mexico and instantly clicked with the owner of the farm. the interaction and prospect of opportunity presented itself so well i could not pass up the offer... and most importantly i had something to focus on! i had been missing that so dearly and to know that i am actually doing something that i had hoped for when i planned this trip is very gratifying. simply said... milking these goats, eating their bounty and living amongst their junipers will be great. GREAT!

it smells of rain and as i turn around in the coffee shop to look out the window i see glistening streets and rain gently falling. (there goes my plans of evening bouldering). instead i guess i will run. read. eat and sleep. stretch and if it rains hard enough take a shower.

a few paragraphs later i remember that i was supposed to write in my blog about loneliness. i sat amongst some deliciously smelling pine trees this morning and mused about my loneliness and solitude, and out of my fingers came a pretty insightful essay. i guess i will copy it out another day. a few more days of being alone should add a bit more meat to my thoughts. and so i conclude... peace love and happiness to all!

ramblings from a sudden bout of insomnia

it's 1:30am and i am struck with the inability to let my mind rest and sleep.

i can contently say that life has been treating me well as of late. there are no complaints or regrets. it has been less difficult, lately, for me to embrace the ups and downs of every day. i feel like i am swiftly going through the motions of whatever it takes to make it through my last two months in bishop on a positive note. bottom line- i want to get strong. strong in will, strong in heart, strong in body, and strong in mind. new years resolution?... decade resolution?... general life resolution?... gain strength.

today my heart wrenched for a friend. the kind that says: "i ate a papaya so good it made me want to cry." that's the kind of friend i need. the kind i value. the kind i miss.

i want to send out positive vibes and good lovin' so here goes... have peace. have life. and have love.

forward ever backward never

What a way to live. It’s ironic and quite contradictory to write about how I miss all that was familiar and all that was comfortable and then to turn around and face the idea of “forward ever backward never.” It seems as though I swirl through emotions as fleetingly as the days pass me by. And that’s the thing, the days are passing me by and the last thing I want to feel is regret. Regret for something I didn’t say or consider. Regret for something I didn't think or do. SO! We can rely on the fundamental idea that the only thing you can do—to keep sane—is to move forward and learn… rather than sulk from failures of the past. Soak up knowledge from first hand experience, the best source. Reflect in a positive fashion, revel in music that inspires feeling and thought, walk into the night, strive towards something genuinely worth reaching. Embrace and nurture loving friendships. I know that everything will be okay because right now I am smiling. I am smiling for Hope. Opportunity. Ease of mind. The Future. The Unknown.

missing the familiar

smoking cloves and wandering the streets of davis
baby giraffe and mamma tiger
ARC rockwall
late night AM/PM nacho runs
fluffy doughnuts at 5AM
berry nut trail mix, dried bananas, and made to order sandwiches from the food co-op
pooka and jackson
cube shaped bean bags at danny, alex and alejo's
"whatever it takes!"
"i'll be there" karaoke
mistle toe kisses
"slow dancing in a burning room" and "bitter pill"
moulin rouge sing a longs
sybill
long walks at night with my boo
amtrak ride home
12+ hrs marathons at PJ the library nook
early morning swimming with my beaver and monkey
coffee house coffee, baked goods and oatmeal
biking
delta venus mexican hot chocolate
pink night at little prague
meeting at the fountain
wednesday night yoga and frozen yogurt
drake drive
24hr room
fort-a-palooza
sleeping on the quad
cafe roma
crepeville potatoes
farmers market
tomato harvest
... and best of all sitting under a bus stop with the soul friend and POURING rain on us

ticking off my list

i'm halfway done with the "to do" list i made for myself a little over a month ago. today, i cleanly lead a 5.11 rock climbing route. this is a pretty big step for me! one that breeches more of a mental block than a physical one. i CAN climb 5.11... so therefore i should be able to lead them too. practicing focus, will power, and brain endurance these past few weeks have been fruitful in my climbing endeavors.

what else did i tick off recently? i climbed bear creek spire. i talked to my dad. i haven't had a cigarette in 2 months. i was honest with someone i cared about.

yes, my list is dwindling. but i am still here. i am stagnant. i still feel a little lost. but, i have to realize that this list is just a list. i can't put too much effort into abiding by it, otherwise i'll lose sight as to why i began the list in the first place. if i do it, then i do it. if i don't, then i don't. the process of making the list was the most productive step in the whole "list" hooplah. it sparked me to be creative with aspirations that i don't usually think about. i allowed my brain to open up and really consider what makes me happy and what makes me grow... now, that was an exciting feeling.